depending on tomorrow to get by today

i have lost it.

well and truly.

i am living in a world of tomorrow where nothing that has to happen or is happenig today actually matters.

i'm no planner. i hate planning for things. i mean don't get me wrong it's not planning an event or things like that i'm against... it's planning for a lifetime... i always believe in living for today and just allowing to morrow to come.

i haven't been there lately.. all i think about is what i'm going to do once i blow this joint and head off to where ever it is life is taking me too... i'm not concentrating on today, stopping to smell the roses or enjoy the people around me. All i can think of is tomorrow and what it has to offer. Is this the point where i'm going to screw everything up?

i don't want to. that's a scary thought. being the person that i am i HATE disappointing others even though at the end of the day i'm the one who's the most let down. but that doesn't matter. what does matter to me now, today, is the fact that i have to seriously put my head down from out of the clouds forming there and give it one last go before i can truly say that "yeah i gave it my best shot. now's the time for me to enjoy and let life bring whatever it is."

if i don't, at the end of the day the only person i will let down is myself.

oh and all those other people who love and believe in me so much.... which inadvertedly also at the end leaves me disappointing...well... ME.