my conscience has green horns

i'm left here on my own waiting to start on a whole new chapter. How do i feel about this? well, i'll be the first to tell you that that's a trick question because there is no answer. i sure as hell don't have one. on one hand i can't wait to get out of this place to a new world where life will hopefully be kinder. on the other hand, i'm terrified to no end. people may joke about it to me and yeah i'll laugh along with whatever joke is being cracked but at the end of the day the point is that i'm terrified. i'm travelling a few hundred thousand miles to a country where i know no one and i have to start studying all over again. I don't know if i'm strong enough to do that.

My friends have all started their lives and it feels like everyone's grown up without telling me that it was time. i know that it is my choice to go to Toronto to study and the fact that i've made it into a fantastic school to boot should make leaving easy. But it isn't. The people who have come to mean so much after so much effort and the people who love me and keep me the way i am is what is making leaving such a tough thing. I always thought "Oh puh-leese! this is going to be a breeze." shows how much i know hey...

I don't want to loose my friends but i know that holding on with a death grip will not change anything so I have to learn to move on and I have. That's one of the most important lessons the last few months have taught me. I'm still invested in each and every one of my friendships but i know that I can still go on if i were to loose any one of them. I'm not saying that i have finished learning this whole process because goodness knows it's taken me forever to get here but there's a lot to learn and to see in the future. What that future holds? Wouldn't you want to know...