BFF...just like in primary school

yep, just like in primary school. i'll be honest though i haven't always believed in BFF....i still don't but i do remember a time where i cherished those words like gold. what changed? i don't know...somehow for some reason i've become cynical about all this rubbish. but yes i do believe in the power of friends because i do believe that no one should be alone...it's all good if they can convince themselves that they're all fine and dandy without anyone but everyone needs some form of company....

i still have my old BFF and i have new BFFs. although with my new cynic view of the world that there is no such thing as BFF, i have a group of my close friends that i do love... it's been hard to 'earn' them but i believe that they are a great group of people despite the many differences between all of them. now as the year is coming to a close close, everything is finally culminating and by this time next year who knows where we'll be? So i say cherish what we have today? i guess so...i don't know i'm not a big fan of promises and relationships...let's just say it's all broken promises.

i had a previous blog somewhere else but that didnt' work out cause it didn't feel 'cool' enough...hahaha...anyway there was something conveyed in that one post i posted that i want to put here since we're on the topic of friends. I am no stranger to loosing a best friend becasue i did. i couldn't remember anyone i was closer to. so what happened then? i wish to God i knew or that it was a better reason than the only one i can come up with...peer pressure. i was so desperate to fit in and all that i became a bully....i had no mind of my own and i refused to fight for what i believed in but didn't realise i belived in until unfortunately many donkey years later.

and then there was the other one where i was a bully and made life a living hell for one girl. I think that this girl was one of the few incidents in my life that convince me that there is a higher power out there whether we want to call it God or something else. She forgave me. Yes when my 'mature' mind grasped at what horrible things i had done, i wrote her a letter apologizing for my behaviour. she wrote back and she forgave. she even made it into a good thing. that restored my faith that people ARE indeed capable of immense goodness and love. she came back recently fron the US and wanted to meet up but i think my guilt made me into a coward cause i did my best to avoid meeting her. yes i feel guilty and i may carry this guilt around for a long time but it serves as i reminder that we have to be good to one another to live a fulfilling life. i don't know if i'll ever have the courage to look her in the eye again but i pray like hell that i won't be condemned.