i did something i haven't done in a long time today. It's not earth moving or anything like that but it meant a lot to me now that I can feel Canada breathing down my neck. anyway the point is that i spent the afternoon at my popo's and it's something that i haven't done in like forever. We talked a bit about things and it made me miss my gong gong.
so my cousin Cedric was brought home from the nanny's in the evening and as usual, i couldn't not play with him =) he makes me smile. the creepy thing is that this little thing of 8 months made me think and realize somehting- one of the hardest and most vulnerable thing that a person can do is to look someone else in the eyes for a really long time. I mean STARE.
See, he isn't to familliar with me cause i only see him once a week but the thing is when he looks at me as if trying to put me into a box in his mind and figuring out who i am, it feels as if he sees into me and all that i am deep down. This is what i mean by making yourself vulnerable. Letting someone stare into your eyes and staring right back is a great leap of faith. it's opening yourself up to them and letting them look into your soul practically. I know it may not make sense to some people out there but to me I see it as a huge exercise in trust. Something that i'm sure i'm not ready to do with anyone at all.
Scary
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
mirror, mirror on the wall
self image.
oh how i loathe thee
"My relationship with my body is like that of an egomaniac with a self-esteem problem. Mostly I think about myself and how much I suck. But there are rare moments when I walk around for hours and think i look amazing. Either I feel great about myself or I've decided some guy is checking me out. Then I catch a side view of myself in a store window or a department store mirror and I'm plunged into despair. If I could always live in a place with no mirrors or disapproving glances, I would think that I was the prettiest girl around."
-Maggie from "Conversations with the Fat Girl" by Liza Palmer-
this aptly describes how i see myself sometimes. It does not bode well with me that I am that conscious of how I look and how much i weigh. Most of the time I can get by with feeling comfortable in my own skin but there are times when I become Maggie. If you ever get the chance pick up that book. It may be chick lit but it's the best story ever because it really is real and i'm sure that you will be able to find a piece of yourself if not in Maggie then in some of the other characters in the book.
oh how i loathe thee
"My relationship with my body is like that of an egomaniac with a self-esteem problem. Mostly I think about myself and how much I suck. But there are rare moments when I walk around for hours and think i look amazing. Either I feel great about myself or I've decided some guy is checking me out. Then I catch a side view of myself in a store window or a department store mirror and I'm plunged into despair. If I could always live in a place with no mirrors or disapproving glances, I would think that I was the prettiest girl around."
-Maggie from "Conversations with the Fat Girl" by Liza Palmer-
this aptly describes how i see myself sometimes. It does not bode well with me that I am that conscious of how I look and how much i weigh. Most of the time I can get by with feeling comfortable in my own skin but there are times when I become Maggie. If you ever get the chance pick up that book. It may be chick lit but it's the best story ever because it really is real and i'm sure that you will be able to find a piece of yourself if not in Maggie then in some of the other characters in the book.
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